Friday, June 8, 2012

inadequacy



if i could describe myself in an ice cream flavor, it would be vanilla, because of how the flavor isn't intense or overpowering, but it's there, you know what i mean? you know how if you first eat something really sweet, like cotton candy ice cream, and then vanilla ice cream, the vanilla tastes somewhat bland? i don't think it would be fair to say that vanilla's an absolutely flavorless flavor, because it's rich in its simplicity...bad metaphor yeah okay


lately, i've been getting the impression that when people first meet me, i come off as..pretty much bland. i admit i have absolutely nothing interesting to say, but that's because i have a hard time just opening up to random strangers. (especially when they seem so intimidating. or maybe we're all unnecessarily outwardly cold) sometimes i'm not as out going as much as my friends, and i wish people would take the time to know me before writing me off as "just another girl at my school." they have yet to see my eyes light up as i explain the feeling of just talking into the night as time seems to stand still, or the immensity in which i have a great love for the playfulness of a cat, or the indescribable waves of happiness i get when i listen to owl city, or just how much i love the sounds of summer and the smells of autumn. these people at school only see me skin deep, not as the little things i hold dear in my mind, in my heart. honestly though, too bad for them.


it's just one of those days where i  feel incomplete, average. i really don't like that word, but there's really no other word i can think of that describes it. i believe that i do have self confidence, and i am a (somewhat) interesting person, but that's once people get to know me. there's just desire to be able to make a good first impression, to cause some sort of small ripple in this giant ocean of droplets of people all struggling to be noticed. 


how comforting
seven billion people
each “one in a million”
yet 
there are the forgotten ones,
seemingly all conformed, crammed
into uniform glass jars hastily labelled 
in a slanting scrawl, with jane and john doe’s
moving on a creaky conveyor belt of life,
supposedly “all unique in their own way.”
yet
their fates are undecided
as they tirelessly scramble pass one another
on a race to nowhere. 
yet
some manage to rise above 
as hawkins might say, survival of the fittest
bursting with ingeniuty, eye opening insights
make these privileged few individuals
the minority among many
iridescent
though
i thought we were “all one in a million?”
that means there are 7000 other people out there
just
like
you




r

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